The
Index
Late
Registration, Kanye West
Number
of critics: 4
Percentage
of critics under the influence: 100
Percentage
of critics that had heard of D'Angelo during last week's review of 'Voodoo',
which spurred me to choose a more mainstream album: 50
Years
ago that 'Late Registration' came out: 7.5
Minutes
into discussion before we hear Bernie Mac's (RIP) voice on the intro: 6
Time
into the first song, 'Heard 'Em Say', that it takes a critic to say "this
sounds like Kanye!", in seconds: 5
Time
after that exclamation that she asks, "Wait, is this Kanye?", in
seconds: 2
Position
on the Billboard charts at which this album debuted: 1
Number
of worldwide sales to date, in millions: 3.5
Grammy
nominations and awards garnered by this album: 8, 3
Posters
of Kanye West on the wall of the room where the review is taking place: 7
Percentage
of critics who have never heard of the album: 50
Percentage
of above critics from Kanye's hometown of Chicago, Illinois': 50
Jaws
dropped after learning of last two facts: 2
Entire
verses of 'Gold Digger' rapped word for word by an unexpected critic: 3
Times
that the quietest critic has heard the unedited version of 'Golddigger': 0
Number
o f critics who could identify Paul Wall and GLC on 'Drive Slow': 0
Critics
who could identify The Game as the rapper on the hook of 'Crack Music': 0
Words
uttered by critics during the song's fiery spoken word outro, performed by
Malik Yusef: 0
Critics
deeply insulted after another critic
wishes we could have been in college in 2005 so that Kanye instead of
Macklemore would have come to campus: 1
Time
that goes by before she pushes the issue and claims that Macklemore is one of the best rappers out
right now, in minutes: 7
Position,
out of 23, that a critic realizes he is on his fraternity's pledge point
leaderboard: 23, lamentably
Number
of critics' dogs named after Brandi, featured on 'Bring Me Down': 1
Critics
who recognized the anxious, dissonant Etta James sample on 'Addiction': 2
Acknowledging
chuckles after Jay-Z's line, "I'm not a businessman, I'm a business,
man!": 5
Time
spent discussing marketability vs talent and the emerging hip hop meritocracy,
in minutes: 9
Times
a new 'critic' says "guys" after bursting into the room: 13
Number
of critics who immediately question the sobriety of said critic, correctly: 3
Times
said critic follows her series of "guys" with the word
"listen": 6
Time
elapsed before another reviewer says more than a sentence in the midst of her important story, in
minutes: 5.5
Number
of kick boxing moves she demonstrates while telling said story: 4
Time
after new reviewers entrance that I realize the focus has been lost from Kanye
West's album, in minutes: 20
Tracks
left unreviewed: 4
Number
of those tracks that are my favorite song of all time: 1
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