The
Index
Now
That's What I Call Music 14, Various Artists
Year
that this album came out: 2003
Number
of critics: 7
Percentage
of critics under the influence: 85.7
Percentage
of critics, mercifully, that have heard of this album: 100
Time
it took for the first critic to leave, in minutes: 3.25
Critics
excited to watch a Youtube Playlist of the album, since this author doesn't
have the album: 5
Haters:
2
Percentage
of haters who change their mind after seeing that the first video is Beyonce's
'Crazy in Love': 100
Album
sales, in millions, of Beyonce's album
Dangerously in Love that features
'Crazy in Love': 11
Age
difference, in years, between this author and Beyonce when she dropped that
song: 0
Time
this author takes to reevaluate his life and the progress he has made thus far,
in seconds: 36
Critics
who recognized Justin Timberlake on back up vocals on The Black Eyed Peas' 'Where is the Love?': 0
Price
for a gallon of unleaded gas in the music video, in dollars: 1.85
Critics
who quickly googled Mya after watching her 'My
Love is Like...Wo' video: 4
Time
it took for second critic to leave, in minutes: 15:43
Critics
surprised that he left during a video that launched this author into puberty: 5
Main
characters of HBO's 'The Wire' who appeared as the love interest in the 'Never
Leave You (Uh Oh)' video: 1
Peak
positions on Billboard charts of 'Get Busy' by Sean Paul and 'No Letting Go' by
Wayne Wonder, that both use the exact same beat: 1, 11
Critics
who recognized Busta Rhymes and Fabolous, respectively, alongside Lumidee on the remix: 1, 2
Time
spent discussing and explaining what a 'key' is in music, in minutes: 8
Number
of critics who believe that if you haven't finished your wish before 11:12, your wish doesn't count: 2
Number
of critics who thought 'Shake Ya Tailfeather' was in the Will Smith film,
'Shark Tale': 1
Number
of times 'Shake Ya Tailfeather' appeared in said film: 0
Time
into R. Kelly's 'Thoia Thoing' that a critic realizes he is having an allergic
reaction to kiwi he was eating, in minutes: 1.7
Critics
who believe that 16 year old Bow Wow was a more respectable than 16 year old
Justin Bieber: 4
Ratio
of Bieber to Bow Wow album sales: 3:1
Time,
in minutes, since last allergy-related comment that it takes reacting critic to
ask for a benadryl or an epi-pen: 6
Percentage
of critics who agree that Justin Timberlake is really good looking in the
'Senorita' video: 100
Critics
who think it would be hilarious if the allergy-suffering critic ended up
looking like Will Smith in Hitch: 4
Time,
in minutes, that this critic misses from the review to attend to his wounds: 25
Critics
who reply in the affirmative when a critic asks if anyone has eye drops: 3
Critics
whose first song she recognizes is
'(There's Gotta Be) More To Life' by
Stacie Orrico: 1
Time,
in seconds, it takes this author to realize he's being set up for an Ice and
then grab his own to Ice Block said ice: 7
Time,
in seconds, it takes for Ice-blocked critic to chug both sweet malt liquors:
18, impressively
Octaves
dropped by female voices while singing verses of 'Stacy's Mom': 2
Critics
who claims they watched this incredibly sexual video with her parents: 1
Percentage
of critics who didn't know 'Late Registration' last week that sing every word
to 'Girls and Boys' by Good Charlotte: 100
Percentage
of same critics who squealed at Liz Phair's 'Why Can't I?': 100
Critics
who believe that Nickelback should only be played at loud volumes: 1
Number
of judgmental looks said critic receives: 4
How
many doors down: 3
Critics
who believe the lead singer of 3 Doors Down looks like Theon Greyjoy from Game of Thrones: 4
Critics
who ask to nip the Game of Thrones
discussion in the bud: 1
Critics
who gang up on a particularly sassy critic to put her in her place: 5
Critics
who believe that they don't get hungry when they smoke, they just "like the idea
of food more": 1
Approximate
daily servings of saturated fat consumed
in chocolate form during review: 6
Number
of kiwis that will be served at the next review: 0
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